Consolation

There are a host of personality tests that you can take. Anytime I’ve taken one, my results always reveal the same thing: perfectionism. I like to do things perfectly well. Regardless of the benefits that come from this tendency, this ultimately means that I can get stuck not starting something because of the fear of not being able to do it exactly right. It also means that I can get so caught up in the task, bogged down in details, that I never finish.

And it also reveals something deeper and much more sinister within me.

Pride.

I think that I CAN do things right. That I can make things work and get things done on my own and that only I can do things the right way. And if it doesn’t happen in just the right way then I can easily get discouraged or pissed off.

Relying on my own abilities, depending on my own strength, looking to my own self to accomplish things.

When it comes to work tasks, this personality trait can be helpful but in most areas of life (my relationship with the Lord being the primary area), this can be extremely problematic.

In this season of Advent, I’ve found myself struggling.

Consolation has been a fairly constant companion thus far in my journey into and with the Church. And yet there have been times when this consolation has departed. And this Advent has been one of those times.

I’m thankful for experiencing this before because I can look back and remember that it passes and that I’ve been here before and that it isn’t necessarily a symptom of some horrendous, underlying problem. It serves as a wonderful reminder that I can’t do it myself.

It’s humbling.

And being a perfectionist, being humbled is a wonderful gift because that ancient enemy of pride needs to be constantly defeated.

In “Imitation of Christ” Thomas á Kempis talks at great lengths of this life in which we have periods of consolation and periods without. When we have it, it should be seen as the gift that it is and when we have it not, we should not despair but rather remember that we are striving for that ultimate reward: eternity with Him.

This life is a gift. All of it. And my only right response must be to give all back to my God, as He alone deserves my love and affection. And the only thing that will ever satisfy me is Him. And this passing life, this transient world will be gone before we know it and then comes eternity.

May I keep that eternity ever before my eyes, whether I have this consolation or not, whether I can do things perfectly or not, whether I have or have not. May my true goal be that true reward of union with Him. Because it is only that which will bring any true sense of satisfaction or consolation. And that reward will not be because I deserve it. It will only be because He is God and He is good.

Always.

They consist in offering yourself with all your heart to the divine will, not seeking what is yours either in small matters or great ones, either in temporal or eternal things, so that you will preserve equanimity and give thanks in both prosperity and adversity, seeing all things in their proper light.

If you become so brave and long-suffering in hope that you can prepare your heart to suffer still more even when all inward consolation is withdrawn, and if you do not justify yourself as though you ought not be made to suffer such great things, but acknowledge Me to be just in all My works and praise My holy name–then you will walk in the true and right path of peace, then you may have sure hope of seeing My face again in joy. If you attain to complete contempt of self, then know that you will enjoy an abundance of peace, as much as is possible in this earthly life.

– Thomas á Kempis, “Imitation of Christ,” Book 3, Chapter 25

Also, Father Matthias came over and blessed our home today 😍