A day apart…

life continues to happen whether we have given it approval or not. jobs must be worked, bills must be paid, days pass, nights pass, we live on. most days continue without much thought. wake up take a shower brush teeth shave drive work lunch commute brake lights home sit eat pet tootsie discuss share sleep listen to music heat sweat sun beats down.

sometimes, though, a day arrives without notice. a day that surprises. a day that stands out.

we woke up today and just laid in bed. that’s not too uncommon, thankfully. but today was different: it was cool. there was that scent in the air, that crisp, beautiful scent. it was a welcomed surprise. it seemed to say that something was happening. it held captive a secret that seems to have been forgotten for a while. no air conditioning, no fans, no sweat. just sweet sweet coolness. we drove. drove to sierra madre. drove around, parked. had coffee and cupcakes. watched people. looked at houses. dreamed of houses, drooled over houses. called about houses, decided against houses. houses that don’t want tootsie. houses that cost too much. houses that seem to be too good to be true. houses that seem like they could be a part of us, built for us, built with us in mind. houses that could one day tell tales of children, of laughter, of love and peace.

we came home and sat. sat and laughed and read. j cooked. she loves to cook. she’s so happy when she’s cooking. it smells great. a beer and the cool air and the scent of steak and potatoes… so american. so delicious. read. pet tootsie. smelled steak and potatoes.

these days that creep up unannounced. they surprise us. not because they’re all that unique, but because they weren’t planned. they weren’t expected. they weren’t designed. they just arrive, sit and stay a while. they wrap themselves around us. they live in the midst of us. like family. like old friends. they come in and visit. they laugh with us. they talk about what’s been happening since the last time we saw them. they remind us that we need to spend more time with them. they remind us that they are why we continue the daily workeatsleepshower routine.

i love these days. breathe these days. i want to linger long into the night with these days. reminisce with and about these days. they seem to hold a promise of future days. pregnant with promise. i love that phrase. bursting with untold promise. i like that phrase too: untold promise. i hope these days magically multiply and reproduce more of themselves. and yet, i feel like if that happened, the very essence of these days would somehow be diminished. as if by having more of them, they would somehow transform into something else… something more expected and much less intoxicating.

my wife is beautiful. abundantly so. physically and emotionallyspirituallyromanticallyandddddddddddddddddddddddd… i recognize how pregnant with promise our lives are. i am excited to see that promise birthed. exhale…

in honor of ahava

in keeping with the blogging trend, and in honor of my wife’s twenty-fourth birthday tomorrow, i am posting a list of 24 things i love about her:

1. she is, bar none, the most selfless person i know
2. she is a wonderful cook
3. she has the best taste in music, including luther vandross, may he rest in peace
4. she is kind
5. she laughs easily and contagiously
6. her smile
7. her hands, especially her thumbs
8. she is patient and stunningly beautiful
9. she never says anything she doesn’t mean; never reacts, but always speaks, acts, and interacts with total forethought and intention
10. she is enviably creative
11. she has a heart both sensitive and receptive to the L-rd
12. she supports me and encourages me endlessly
13. she loved me while i was unlovable
14. she always puts her arm in my lap for me to scratch
15. she is wise
16. she is wonderfully unique
17. she has the tiniest feet
18. she is a wonderful sister
19. she is a jew
20. she is fiercely loyal
21. her hair always smells delicious
22. she will paint, repaint, and paint one more time, her nails
23. she follows more blogs than anyone else i know and talks about the writers as if they are old friends
24. she said yes

while the list could go on for countless pages, i will keep it to 24.

to my wife, my completion, today and always: i love you. you have filled my heart with joy, my home with love, and my life with a fullness that could only come from our G-d. may you be blessed, overblessed, this year and always. you are a constant example of godliness, beauty, grace, and blessing-from-above. i do not deserve you, but am selfishly grateful that you love me. you are my heart.

today i renew my vows to love, honor, and cherish you. i renew my vow to stand by you faithfully. i renew my vows to sacrifice for you, defend you, protect and provide for you. i renew my vow to lead you in our G-d, to pray for you and with you, and to strive to be a model of Christ’s love. i renew my vow to be the husband that you deserve, despite my shortcomings. you have my heart and it is an honor to be able to call you my wife. may our life together be long and filled with blessings, children, tootsie, food, friends, and family.

your main squeeze and biggest fan,

p. (lam. 3.25, is. 51.10)

why, hello there.

j posted a comment and said that i had officially fallen off the blog planet. that stung. i mean it hurt me deep. so i immediately (translate: 3 weeks later) composed this entry.

much has happened since my last post. much has been covered by my lovely wife but i may be guilty of re-blogging.

i had my birthday. it was wonderful. my first birthday as a married man. it feels even better than before. j got me such nice things. planet earth dvd’s, a top ramen cooking mug (if you don’t know what it is, i can’t even begin to explain it), and one of the most beautiful pictures ever. the photo was taken by one of the most gifted photographers i’ve experienced. then she painted a canvas and mounted it. it’s one of the first things i see in the morning and i adore it. we spent time with friends (who also gifted me abundantly, including a piece of art by my brother steven nelson and wonderful books from him and his lovely fiance as well as brandon and steph), spent time with family, and generally partied. well at least hung out.

we also finally visited the messianic synagogue that we’ve been wanting to see: shomrey tzedek. it was wonderful. it is a congregation of jews who feel called to worship G-d while maintaining their jewishness and who believe in Yeshua as Messiah. the service is a traditional sabbath service followed by a study of the prescribed portion of Torah. it’s a small congregation and very welcoming and loving. we truly felt at home. the service was done largely in Hebrew with some english included (possibly for our benefit). the teaching was truth and very convicting. the jews were lovely, as they always are. we have decided to continue attending for one month at least before making any decisions about calling it home. the only downside is the drive. oh well. experiencing G-d’s Chosen People worshiping as they have for thousands of years while hearing the name of Yeshua proclaimed as Messiah was truly powerful. oh how i long to be a jew possibly one day. hopefully sooner than later.

in more recent news, j and i woke up this morning to what can only be described as a plague of ants in our home. they were everywhere. after cleaning them up for about an hour, we discovered that they had returned in exactly the same places, and in almost the same numbers. fantastic. but!! thanks to some advice from a family friend and a quick trip to the local vietnamese market, we procured some “miraculous chalk.” it’s nothing, really… just some neurotoxin that makes an ant’s day slightly unpleasant. after chalking up our house voodoo style, and letting the rest of the day pass, i can confidently say that there is not a single ant in the house… or possibly in the entire city. thankfully we read the instructions and discovered that we should not let the chalk get into the hands of, “the child or the old man” considering the old man just happened to be sitting in our home asking us for said chalk. that translator should definitely get a pay raise.

for now, that is it. oh and i had two june bugs in my car while driving home tonight. and i couldn’t get them out. so they’re still in there. so i hope they die soon. and that they are saved.

i will close with a quote from a man who is quickly becoming a favorite: abraham joshua heschel
“Only words that would not be trite in the presence of a dying man,
only ideas that would not pale in the face of the rising sun
or in the midst of a violent earthquake:
“G-d is One”
or:
“Holy, Holy, Holy is the L-rd G-d of Hosts…”
may be used as metaphors
in speaking of G-d.”

quotes

i keep track of the books that i read and write down quotes that i really like while reading. here are some recent ones:

“And isn’t all that only words? Words grow old, too; they change their meaning and their usage. They get sick just as we do; they die of their wounds and then they are relegated to the dust of dictionaries.”

“We do better not to believe in luck: our Lord forbids it.”

“A Jewish writer said that, ‘the silence of G-d is G-d.’ I say that G-d is not silent, although He is the G-d of silence. He does call out. It is by His silence that He calls to you. Are you answering Him?”

“Never forget who we are. We Jews believe in justice. Ever since Biblical times, we’ve put our trust in judges.”

“For a long time, I’ve distrusted this world we live in. I told myself it doesn’t deserve our children. And the proof is Auschwitz.”

” ‘Close your eyes and face Jerusalem,’ the Rebbe replied.”

“Woe to a generation that knew how to discover absolute Evil but not absolute Truth.”
- the above quotes come from “The Time of the Uprooted” by Elie Wiesel

“Then she wiped her nose and neatly swung her legs out of bed and went quickly to the bathroom. She is a helplessly brisk woman.”

“I, however, seem given to self-estrangement.”
- the last two are from “Netherland” by Joseph O’Neill

shalom.

anti-anti-Zionism, or In Support of a Jewish State

The following appeared in the Los Angeles Times on Sunday, March 15 in the Op-Ed section. The contributor, Judea Pearl, is arguing against anti-Zionism. The response, by Ben Ehrenreich, can be seen here. I’ve included only Pearl’s contribution.

hump day

what a day. i rear-ended a poor woman and her daughter. no injuries, minimal damage (mainly to my car), and my car still runs fine. then j had a flat tire while driving my dad’s car (since hers is in the shop). i met her on the side of the road and changed her tire. as soon as she pulled away from the curb, she got pulled over for having a break light out. thankfully no ticket, but still. so crazy. some saying about these things happening in threes seems appropriate.

on another note, we will soon celebrate two wonderful months of marriage. as i sit here on the couch with j next to me and tootsie in between us, i understand contentment more than i ever have in my life. at the end of the day, i can’t wait to come home. to our home. to my family. to my wife. who knew four letters could sound so great.

i will close with a quote by c.s. lewis. some may think this trite. some may think of lewis as being too oft quoted. some may think me simple for loving lewis so much. and that’s ok. i do love lewis. i find him wise and inspiring and beautiful. if that means i’m trite or simple, then so be it. my dad, the greatest man i have ever known, loves c.s. lewis and i can find no better reason to love him as well.

“It remains certainly true that all natural loves can be inordinate. Inordinate does not mean ‘insufficiently cautious.’ Nor does it mean ‘too big.’ It is not a quantitative term. It is probably impossible to love any human being simply ‘too much.’ We may love him too much in proportion to our love for G-d; but it is the smallness of our love for G-d, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy.”

shalom.

chosen randomness.

the dictionary definition of “jew” is, “One of a scattered group of people that traces its descent from the Biblical Hebrews or from post-exilic adherents of Judaism; Israelite.”

The legal definition (in Israel and according to strict Halachah) is, “someone who either is a child of a Jewish mother or is a convert to Judaism who, after a period of serious and verified study of the Principles of the Faith and the Laws of Judaism, has done the following:

1. Accepted upon Himself or Herself the “Yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven and the Yoke of G-d’s Commandments”
2. Immersed Him or Herself in a Ritual Pool of Water known as a “Mikveh,” symbolizing Rebirth
3. If a male, has undergone the Process of “Brit Milah,” Circumcision.”

The Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council says, “Following the consensus of Jewish tradition, we recognize as a Jew anyone who is born of a Jewish mother or who is a convert to Judaism. We also accept the Reform decision, which acknowledges patrilineal [children born of Jewish fathers] descent under certain conditions. In our definition, the necessary and sufficient condition consists of that individual identifying as a Jew.”

what does all this mean and why am i writing about it? firstly, it is important to note that the legal definition is fairly strict: you must either be born of a jewish mother or go through the conversion process outlined above. this isn’t as simple as someone knowing that their dad has some irish blood in him therefore making that child irish. this is specific. this is, after all, G-d’s chosen people.

the Messianic Jewish Rabbinical Council’s stance is more open and accepting. they recognize both those born of a jewish mother and/or born of a jewish father (like my wife), and/or those who identify as being jewish.

i write about this because i love jews. i don’t just find them interesting. i don’t just want to know ever more about their history. i don’t just think it’s cute that they wear those little hats (although honestly, have you seen a cuter hat?). i have a deep and abiding love for this people of G-d. i don’t know when it happened (although i know i was young), and i don’t know fully why (yet), but i know that this love has been placed there by G-d. i know that G-d saw fit to have me marry a jew. i am currently in the process of trying to figure out how i will combine my love for the jewish people and my plans for my career.

basically i am in love with jews and with a jew. my children will be jewish, even if i’m not. they will be brought up knowing about their heritage. they will know what G-d has done for their people… their people whose history stretches back millenia. when they’re born, i will pray Numbers 6:24-26 over them. when they go to bed, i’ll read them Deuteronomy 4:32-40. they will know the sh’ma.

they will celebrate shabbat and pesach. they will be jewish. and i pray they will also come to recognize that their Messiah has already come. i can’t wait to meet my future jews.

i considered converting to judaism myself, but haven’t come to a decision about it yet. as my friend steven so adequately put it, “you take on the burden of your people and they become your people. take on the burden of halachah.”

and he’s a jew, so he knows.

shalom.

following the leader

“Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading.” — Oswald Chambers
the truth of this is statement is mighty. perhaps, never more intimately felt than when we are actively being led. i think there’s some of this going on in our lives right now. two months ago the plan was to move to new york almost immediately upon becoming man and wife. this plan called for not only a transcontinental move but also a new graduate program and this on the heels of a new marriage. well, that didn’t happen. just short of one month before the wedding, our plans changed drastically and here we are, a month AFTER the wedding, living in california with grad school absent from our daily lives. while this change came as a bit of a surprise to family and friends (not to mention to us), once we had made the decision to postpone the move, we knew we had done the right thing. we knew we were being led. and we are again.

it’s a strange thing, being led. the wisdom of the dog whisperer may be applied here, however loosely. time and time again, we see cesar millan showing how much better a dog’s behavior can be when that dog is being led by a “calm and assertive pack leader.” a dog who previously might have thrashed violently at the end of a leash is suddenly transformed into a calm and obedient canine when cesar steps in. the mere presence of this pack leader is enough to allay the dog’s fears and allow him to calmly and trustingly follow. we are that dog. we get caught up in our own lives and make plans, budgets, and projections. we get sidetracked and distracted and can find ourselves in a situation where we’re frozen. we can’t decide which way to go. then our pack leader steps in and confidently leads us. the path may not be familiar nor feel secure, but we faithfully follow.

if you’re ever walking somewhere and see a kid holding on to their dad’s hand, pay close attention to what’s likely going on. probably, the kid isn’t looking in the direction that he’s walking. he’s probably looking down at his feet. or behind him. or up into the sky. anywhere other than forward. he’s not taking in data in order to chart his course. he’s not keeping a close eye on the things around him so that he can find his way back. he doesn’t need to. it doesn’t matter where he’s going. he knows and loves his dad. his dad knows where they’re going and that’s enough for this young man. knowledge and love. and the presence of that dad.

and we wonder why Yeshua said we must become like little children.

Abba,

may i truly know you. may my love for You be greater tonight as i go to sleep than this morning when i woke up. may that knowledge of and love for You be enough for me to follow You.  may i smile up at the sky, study my shoes, and peer over my shoulder all the while knowing that wherever You are taking me is exactly where i want to be.

shalom.

The Horseman

“The Horseman”

i heard a horseman

ride over the hill;

the moon shone clear,

the night was still;

his helm was silver,

and pale was he;

and the horse he rode

was of ivory.

john piper, president obama, and geese

i am reposting something my good friend emily posted yesterday. thank you emily and john piper.

Included below is an open letter from John Piper, Pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota to his congregation (and the church at large). Piper wrote the letter on January 21, 2009, on the evening of President Barack Obama’s inauguration. The letter is a bit lengthy, but so worth the read.

Sometimes we are so overwhelmed at being treated better than we deserve that we must exult in the all-sovereign God—the God of birds’ flight and Obama’s rise. When King David pondered how many were God’s “wondrous deeds,” he said, “I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told” (Psalm 40:5). That’s the way I feel watching God’s public mercies in the last few days.

Have you considered how unlikely was the crash of USAir flight 1549 in the Hudson River on January 15—not just the rescue but the crash itself? Picture this: The Airbus A320 is taking off at an angle—maybe 30 degrees. It’s not flying horizontal with the earth. Not only that, it is flying fast—not full speed yet, but perhaps four times as fast as your car would go at top highway speeds.

The geese are flying horizontally with the ground, more or less. They are not flying in a cloud like a swarm of bees. They fly level with the ground, often shaped like a V. In view of all that, what are the odds that, traveling at this speed and at this angle, this airplane would intersect with the flight of those geese at that very millisecond which would put a bird not just in one of those engines, but both of them?

Two laser-guided missiles would not have been as amazingly effective as were those geese. It is incredible, statistically speaking. If God governs nature down to the fall (and the flight) of every bird, as Jesus says (Matthew 10:29), then the crash of flight 1549 was designed by God.

Which leads to the landing in the Hudson River—which is just as unlikely. The airbus now has no thrust in either engine. The flight attendants said it was as quiet as a library in the plane without the sound of engines. The plane is now a 77-ton glider with its belly full of fuel. Captain Sullenberger decides to land in the river. Anywhere else would mean one big fireball.

He banks and misses the George Washington Bridge by 900 feet and glides the plane into a perfect belly landing. A few degrees tilt to the front or back or the right or left and the plane would have done cartwheels down the river and broken up. On the water, the flight attendant does not let passengers open the rear door. That would have flooded the cabin too fast. The emergency doors and front doors provide exits for everyone and the plane floats long enough for all of them to climb out. Ferry boats are there almost instantly. The captain walks the aisle twice to make sure everyone is off. Then he leaves. Later the plane sinks.

If God guides geese so precisely, he also guides the captain’s hands. God knew that when he took the plane down, he would also give a spectacular deliverance. So why would he do that? If he means for all to live, why not just skip the crash?

Because he meant to give our nation a parable of his power and mercy the week before a new President takes office. God can take down a plane any time he pleases—and if he does, he wrongs no one. Apart from Christ, none of us deserves anything from God but judgment. We have belittled him so consistently that he would be perfectly just to take any of us any time in any way he chooses.

But God is longsuffering. He is slow to anger. He withholds wrath every day. This is what we saw in the parable. The crash of Flight 1549 illustrates God’s right and power to judge. The landing of the plane represents God’s mercy. It was God’s call to all the passengers and all their families and all who heard the story to repent and turn to God’s Son, Jesus Christ, and receive forgiveness for sin.

I am writing these thoughts on the evening after the inauguration of Barack Obama, the first African-American President of the United States. I cried twice today. There were two points when I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. Once was when I prayed with some brothers after Obama’s speech and was overcome with the sinfulness of my own racist background. The other was in trying to express my emotion to an African-American brother about what this must mean for him.

As much as I reject Obama’s stance on abortion, I am thankful to the bottom of my soul that an African-American can be President of United States. The enormousness of it all is unspeakable. This is God’s doing. The geese were God’s doing. The landing of Flight 1549 was God’s doing. And the Obama presidency is God’s doing. “He removes kings and sets up kings” (Daniel 2:21).

And I pray that President Obama has eyes to see. The “miracle on the Hudson” and the “miracle in the White House” are not unrelated. God has been merciful to us as a nation. Our racial sins deserved judgment a thousand times over. God does not owe America anything. We owe him everything. And instead of destruction, he has given us another soft landing. We are not dead at the bottom of the Hudson.

O that Barack Obama would see the mercies of God and look to the One whose blood bought everlasting life for all who trust him. The parables of God’s mercy are everywhere. The point of them is this: God is a just and patient Ruler, and Jesus Christ is a great Savior. Turn. Turn. Turn, O President of the United States and passengers of this planet.

Full of thanks for all God’s mercies,

Pastor John